It has been awhile since I felt the exam...jitters. Somehow I can't bring myself to say 'stress' cause I don't really feel it that strong. Which is really a bad sign. I mean, I get sporadic spams of 'shitwthimfreakingstressed' when I realise basic questions baffle me. And that after that, it wears off. Even when its still ceteris paribus; things still stay the same, I still can't solve it. What the hell is wrong with me.
Deep down from the bottom of my heart, I know in some ways I went from not bad to kind of stupid. Used to be one of those who would score it quite well...but now......let's not talk about it. I do really freak out when I find my learning ability dropping and dropping. Worse still, ability to concentrate. Some people peak as they enter uni. I think I just reached my global minimum in my own production function. What happened to the times when I could study properly and score well. Sigh, times do change.
Do I even remember feeling like this during A levels? Doubt so. And yet, I want this first-class honours at the end of 3 years so badly.
Oh yeah and to add, I really do hate it when people who came up tops in the cohort start to complain about how they are going to pack up and fly home because they are going to fail. Really? Honestly, even for someone like me, I don't think I'm going to fail. It's all just a matter of first class or not. These things coming from those people, especially, just annoy me.
Despite the fact that out of 6 papers, only 1 paper counts and that its only 1/66 of my degree (sounds kinda ridiculous), I guess we don't work by that. All out, for everything. I remember being nervous opening my elective coursework to see my essay grade, when that elective did not even count at all. Wasn't even an Econs module. I can score a C for all I care and I don't think it will jeopardise my degree in anyway. But well, no. There's competition even in that little non-counted module. What have grades done to us/me ):
Many things happened in the past week. Good, bad. Can't remember. I do constantly get disrupted from studying, because my thoughts will fast forward to 11 June when I'm home. I really cannot wait to get exams done with and go to Paris and Barcelona and then home.
I stil have a bloodied toe, or rather dry bloodied toe. I swear I will never be so blind and ram into my bedframe ever again. The amount of blood honestly freaked me out. And I cursed. Very loudly. =x
I'm not gna fail, but probably not going to do as well because they do bring down the scores to moderate. And since I'm surrounded by smart asses who spend half the time I do understanding stuff...bell curve not really going to help me.
Okay enough of ranting. Back to study after a ... 5 hr break. Freak.
Current Music: Safe and Sound - Taylor Swift